Hirsutism
Parveen and I met at Christmas party at work.
It was a short torrid passionate affair. Short being the optimum word due to Parveen’s limited stature. I guess it had been several years since I had a relationship and as I couldn’t find myself a petite Latina girlfriend I stuck with a short hairy arsed Pakistani girl…love is blind after all…no really it is blind.
We were madly in love, being a non-black male and having watched enough porn to fill up the lost library of Alexandria twice over. I developed a condition called ” Mentula Dysmorphic disorder “and just for clarification for all you in-breds.
Mentula Dysmorphic Disorder has nothing to do with my poor mental health. Mentula is Latin for Penis and I having an exceedingly small penis I know this first-hand, having auditioned for a porn flick and failing abysmally.
The producer of said Porn flick was my uncle, he worked part-time as a Maths teacher at a local secondary school but fancied himself as a movie director, and set up his lock up garage as a make-shift porn studio, which he also rented out on weekends to a local tuition centre who ran a homework club.
I had to pull a few strings and swallowed more than my pride, having degraded myself on my uncle’s studio couch to finally got a role, it wasn’t in front of the camera or even behind the camera in fact I was the guy with the mop and bucket who went around cleaning up the bukkake mess.
having a neurodevelopmental disorder and being vertically challenged I was certain she’d be easily pleased
So walking with Parveen made me feel good about myself, I believe she had a neuro developmental disorder and occasionally would twitch uncontrollably being vertically challenged I was certain she’d be easily pleased with my overtly average mentula..and boy oh boy was I right.
The only other discerning fact about Parween was she was exceedingly hairy….looking back at our relationship, giving her a bottle of shampoo called Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes may have been a tad insensitive.
But we were young and she loved me.
I recall the many hotel rooms where Parveen and I would frequent for passionate love making, I always made a point of showering first as after showering up Parween would whisper telling me she had shaved down there!.. this meant she invariably had blocked the shower!!
As I said earlier Parveen and I met at a Christmas party the owner of the accident repair company that I worked at, simply took the whole staff team to a local nightclub paying for our entrance fee before leaving.
The club was loud, brash, and you could hardly hear yourself think. I kept going to the bar and kept asking for non-alcoholic drinks being a good Mormon boy but they couldn’t hear me and kept serving me with cocktails, at £9 a shot I wasn’t going to waste them that would be unchristian of me ….so when I saw Parween it was instant attraction.
She was perched on a table, I thought she was standing, leaning on the table it wasn’t till we left the club that I realised Parveen was a vertically challenged.
We made some small talk under the flashing dim nightclub lights, Parween looked stunning, beautiful even and being drunk I took the leap and planted a kiss flush on her lips her tongue flickered like a venomous snake trying to burrow its way home, she slithered her tongue across the contours of my jaw line leaving a sluggish streak of flem whilst proceeding to give my teeth a clean and polish.
It was at that point I realised in fact we both quickly realised we were in-sep-prep-able …
I had a designer stubble which gave me a more rugged appearance and Parween also had a natural stubble…a lot of dwarf women have stubble a little known fact that you are now aware off..
So when we kissed our stubble acted like Velcro, we were literally inseparable…
Parween being so hairy meant It’s not often you get into a relationship where every touch left you with carpet burns.
But this was one of those relationships.
Parween and I would regularly meet up in her mobility car where she unfortunately died crashing into a pick-up truck with the tow bar killing her instantly, ironically Parween always had difficulty towing the line, the airbag in her car did go off, but couldn’t quite reach her. I write this short treatise in Wreck- ignition of the car crash and how I was left a wreck with a poor broken heart.
I find myself at my uncle’s local 24/7 and I am holding a coconut I gently fondle it, balancing it in my hand, using my fingers to gently feel for soft spots checking for its freshness, when I’m reminded of Parween, hairy, succulent and full of seminal white stuff.
