Last Train Ride of Casey Jones

So my name is Richard but Dick to all my mates I grew up in Kentucky US and I died a few hundred years ago, I was one of the first train drivers and regularly mowed down the pesky brownie in-juns

I died of cancer, but before I tell you my story I want to quote from the great Indian Chief Shitting Bull who once said there are three inevitabilities in the life for a brave (Warrior)

I had cancer but that didn’t kill me. My Dr who told he could save me by giving me an experimental cocktail of drugs to beat my cancer, I later realised that I had shaved my derriere for no reason, however, after having my first cock-tail. I had to drink a vat of poor man’s whisky just to ease my cock out of my tail, the only good thing to come out was, as a man in my 80s the in-jun nurse who would stick me (inject me) was a hottie with huge pies that barely kept her apron in check every time she stuck me it felt like we were on a date.

As I recall I had to tell everyone I had cancer which was great at first, all the hugs from young women and sympathies and all the free whisky, but then it got tedious I wanted to be left alone plus I could no longer work on my beloved train “Big Bertha” my trainee co driver had taken my spot, bloody Casey Jones the cross eyed dimwit whose name made it into American folklore forever

“Rock and Roll Train, One hot angel, One cool devil, Your mind on the fantasy, Living on the ecstasy”

They actually commended him for his incredible dedication and skill as a railroad engineer! John bloody Luther “Casey” Jones they even say he made the ultimate sacrifice to save his passengers in a catastrophic train collision somewhere in Mississippi. His heroic actions turned him into a legend, inspiring numerous songs and stories that continue to this day to captivate generations.

Just remember when the shit is going to hit the fan, the plane is about to crash or the bomb is about to go off… you don’t need to grow a pair as you have big dick to grab onto, which is exactly what Casey did.

On our last night together and like a love struck couple of first cousins forced to split up by the authorities we had on long hot sweaty last ride together.

Casey Jones was at the controls of the Illinois Central Railroad’s Passenger Train No. 1 also known somewhat fatefully as the “Cannonball Express” As once we loaded her up with coal, she chomped her way through the rail road tracks like a darkie stuck at a KKK BBQ, little did we know she would leave a hole and explode like a cannon ball!

Everything was going smoothly until we approached somewhere in Mississippi where we spotted a stalled freight train, to be completely honest I didn’t see the other train until the very last minute having told everyone that the Drs had cured my cancer I was once again allowed to get back on the trains but it also meant having to attend all the family weddings, funerals and other activities that I could no longer avoid, any way this huge freight train, just stood there like a pregnant bison on her last throes she unexpectedly blocked the tracks ahead. We were travelling at high speed on our rock and roll train and disaster seemed inevitable. Casey thinking, I had beaten cancer pushed me out of the cab, little did he know that his throwing me off the train was exactly what would kill me, Casey didn’t jump he stayed firmly in place.

With one hand on the throttle and the other gripping the brake, he stood steadfast his six pack tensed, hot boulders of sweat cascading down his Greek- god like, perfectly chiselled physique, many say just when the throes of death take hold that every man stands erect so we will keep to that fantasy, Casey was erect, he stood firm like a porn star about to debut at his first gay-lord premier yet just to add a bit more drama our hero somehow managed to slow the train down before the inevitable gangbang of a crash which could be heard from miles. I could sense the explosion as it tore through my every bone and disabling every sinew of dying flesh. The impact also killed Casey instantly, his head flew off like a jack in the box impaling itself on a nearby tree branch the rest of him was toasted however every passenger and remaining crew member survived all receiving minimal injuries, this was a true heroic feat a sacrifice that will not be forgotten.

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Liam Dailey

Content Writer at Zaan

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donec veni. Pede…

Richard Dick “The Train Driver”.

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Liam Dailey

Content Writer at Zaan

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