How to Strengthen Your Boundaries Using NLP
Boundaries in NLP: Part 2 – How to Strengthen Your Boundaries Using NLP Techniques
In Part 1, we explored the idea that boundaries start internally—with your mind-set, emotions, and the stories you tell yourself. Now, let’s roll up our sleeves and get into the nitty-gritty: how NLP techniques can actually help you build stronger, clearer, and more confident boundaries.
Let’s start with one of my favourites: anchoring.
As a child my mother who like many reading this blog, was the most influential boundary setter in my life. All it took was a look from her and those of you who were blessed with a mother, like mine will understand her mantra was “Jab Jab hook and cross” She had a look only a mother can give that tells you….
“That’s enough” or “Stop!”
Failing that it would be a quick jab to the face followed by another jab to the face and then a hook to the body, before a cross to the face.
This leads up nicely to Anchoring.
Anchoring is an NLP technique where you create a mental or physical “trigger” to access a desired emotional state.
In simpler terms my mother giving me that look the “evil eye” would be the “trigger” that would create in that vacuum of a head of mine a mental image of blood, snot and pain which in turn would get me to change my action.
Now I’ve just mentioned Anchoring and I want you to pause for a moment, Anchoring is fundamental to your continued growth as a person as an influencer.
I’ve been to countless NLP training work shops where Anchoring is glossed over and is used as an ice breaker but stop, do some research on Anchoring (There will be blogs dedicated just to anchoring) but for now, Imagine how useful it is when you’re about to have a difficult conversation or say “no” to someone you usually say “yes” to. If you could instantly feel calm, assertive, and grounded—how much easier would boundary-setting be?
Well let’s find out. Let’s set up an anchor
Think of a time when you felt strong, you felt respected, you felt self-assured. Really step into that memory.
What were you seeing? focus on what was there, focus on the colours, the reds, the blues, the greens, the hues, the weather, faces. What did you see, and now, what did you hear? Imagine those sounds, ringing in your ears in Dolby Atmos surround sound, Imagine you have noise cancelling head phones and focus more on the sounds that were present, that allowed you to feel strong, respected, self- assured and feelings, let’s focus on those feelings, from your stomach, from the heart, from the head, scale those feelings, what-ever you just felt make that a score of 5, now expand that feeling to a 10, then focus on the visuals once again, the sounds, the smells, the taste the headiness of any perfume or overpowering aftershave….. keep going…
Now, as that feeling builds, gently press your thumb and finger together—or touch your heart, or use any other unique gesture. Repeat this a few times then repeat the whole process a few times more this time with different powerful memories.
Editor’s note here: I feel that I’m cheating you dearest reader
I have to stop and put an Editor’s note here: I feel that I’m cheating you dearest reader and I apologise remember your first practice kiss, this was it, we just had our first practice kiss it was interesting but nothing can compared to your first French kiss, the tongues writhing, the snot the flem, bits of stuck food, all being vacuumed away as you guzzle away at your partners lips, mouth the faint taste of lip gloss… Anchoring is best learnt in person with a teacher once you get to grips with a few anchors the rest you can practice by yourself.
The, next time you’re about to assert a boundary, use that same gesture and feel the confidence return. Boom—instant support system!
